Someone very important to me just recently suffered what has been diagnosed as a panic attack.   I had never seen a panic attack before, so as a 'first responder' I thought this person was having a stroke. 

The abject terror I bore witness to in this person's eyes was incredibly heart crushing and frightening..., and I was just the observer.

The EMTs were kind and thorough. Looking back, I think they have probably seen this before but even though they were reassured, they were unable to transfer that same level of assurance to us.

Looking in the rear view mirror through a trauma lens, I have gained such an incredibly deeper and more personal appreciation of the critical nature of trauma awareness and the super insidiousness of trauma itself from this experience.

Trauma memories hide out in the nooks and crannies of self-perception and self-image attempting to destroy, from the inside out, any sense of self worth and self love.

The effects of trauma are cumulative and even when removed from the traumatic experience (or experiences), the memories of trauma never truly disappear.

Like the majority of us, this person's key coping strategies were to stuff, suppress, and ignore the dark disturbing memories of the past along with the associated emotions.  These memories and emotions shaped this person's view of themself, crafting a story that became a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

Current social mores and norms dictate that talking about 'our stuff' is generally unaccepted in a society that wants everyone to always be happy (which is very nice but highly improbable).   Sharing and metabolizing traumatic life experiences with others can be felt as burdensome and even shameful.

Put on a happy face, serve the needs of everyone else and try to outrun the shadows of the past, seems to be the pervasive dictate from family and society. But, eventually one gets tired of running, even if they don't realize they are running at a conscious level. 

The subconscious and survival physiology can only hold out so long (think polyvagal), until one collapses, without any visible trigger... imploding to the point of spontaneous combustion.

Oh and the other wicked important bit to understand is that just because everyone experiences trauma, and all its permutations, doesn't mean that it's not a BIG DEAL.

It's hard for the world to understand and accept trauma in all its many facades.  Trauma is so much more than a gunshot wound, a motor vehicle accident or a natural disaster.

Trauma is being born prematurely, trauma is a life-threatening illness (at ANY age), trauma is racial injustice, trauma is food and housing insecurity, trauma is an abortion, trauma is being physically and or sexually assaulted, trauma is the death of a loved one - trauma is the loss of a deep and abiding sense of safety, security and belonging.

In fact, understanding the pervasiveness of trauma in EVERYDAY LIFE invites each and everyone of us to embrace the greatest of our human attributes and assets - the capacity for COMPASSION and CONNECTION.

Emotional memories of unresolved trauma can be thought of as the lint that accumulates in the clothes dryer filter. The dryer has no idea the lint filter is full and it literally is a matter of time before the machine goes up in flames.

Thanks for taking the time to read me

Take care and care well,

Mary