Let me tell you another story...

This past Christmas my son gave Danny and I a gift certificate to a restaurant that he and his wife just love. We finally decided we would make a reservation and started checking out the menu in anticipation of our night out.

My Scottish friends and colleagues will love this - it's an all Scottish menu, including haggis. Dan and I were pumped. (P.S. The name of the restaurant is The Haven and it's in J.P. in case you want to check it out). Here is one of my favorite pictures from Scotland:

Edinburgh Skyline

As we perused the menu, I saw a dish that included 'mushy peas' and made a comment to Danny of how much I hated peas. He paused, looked at me, and said, no you don't - what about the peas at No. 9 Park? Oh my gosh, I exclaimed, I LOVED their peas and so we entered into a discussion about peas...

Peas remind me of my dad. He loved peas, nothing fancy, he loved them from the can with nothing on them save for a sprinkle maybe of salt and pepper and NONE of my brothers and sisters liked them. They were tasteless and squishy in a way that was incredibly displeasing.

Despite our distaste we were forced to eat the peas and these experiences left an indelible memory. In talking through my history with peas what I discovered is that it really isn't the peas, but, what the peas remind me of, what memories they bring up for me. 

And despite these experiences happening quite some time ago, I am still triggered by peas! Despite years of subsequent memories and experiences with more flavorful peas, at a subconscious level I revert to the belief that I hate peas and no matter how many 'mattresses' I lay over the 'pea' I can still feel it, the pea still has power.

Most of the time it's easy to dismiss the presence of the pea, however, ignoring them doesn't make the memories disappear. They may go underground for awhile, (I mean who eats peas every day of the week), but the memories and their associations are always just lurking in the wings.

Pea Memories

Most folks don't even 'know' there is a pea(s) under their mattress, they just accept their discomfort and carry on. The realization that much of adult morbidity and mortality is related to early life experiences is only now starting to find its way into the literature (and this includes people born preterm). But, over time the sleep deprivation, the chronic pain, the fatigue and frustration snowball and compromise the overall health and wellness of the princess and the people.

For me, I not only had to acknowledge there was a pea under my mattresses, but maybe more than one and although my first instinct was to simply throw it away and decide never to eat peas again, I knew in my heart that wasn't the answer that would best serve me.

I knew what I had to do was examine the pea, understand the story around the pea and choose, what about the pea was no longer needed and what did the pea teach me, about myself, my dad, my family. Only then would I be free from the power that silly little pea had over me.

It's been a journey deconstructing the story of the pea, a process that has been like peeling back the layers of an onion - overpowering and sometimes making me cry, but at the end I discovered something pretty awesome about myself and the pea that enabled me to be so much more open-hearted and compassionate to myself, my family and the memory of my dad.

We all have our 'peas'. (And, no one gets to marry a prince for tolerating the pea under their mattress).

Acknowledging the pervasive presence of these tiny little beasts under mattresses around the world presents us with an important choice and opportunity. It's up to us to decide our next step.  It's only when we acknowledge the peas that are hiding under our own mattresses that we are able to truly help others discover and even metabolize their own. 

Thanks for taking the time to read me

Take care and care well,

Mary 

P.S.: If the pea story resonated with you, this may be the perfect time for you to enroll in the Trauma Informed Professional Certificate Program.