Decoding Socks
Welcome to Monday's with Mary on Friday, better late than never. Lot's of super exciting stuff happening at Caring Essentials Headquarters, but we can chat about that later, after I tell you a funny story.
So, the other night Danny and I were hanging out in the den watching some TV. We each have our own chairs. His is a big old leather recliner and mine is a glider with an ottoman.
As I propped my socked feet up on the ottoman, Dan exclaims "Those are my socks!" I quickly set him straight and told him they most certainly were not; reminding him that he gave them to me quite awhile ago.
I remember it perfectly. We were going hiking (or some kind of outdoor activity) and I wondered what kind of socks I should wear and Dan, very gallantly said, "I'll give you these" as he handed me a brand new, unopened pair of 'Darn Tough' socks; super thick and warm socks he had just recently purchased for our trip.
He's just so ridiculously generous. I put them on and they have been mine ever since .
So, you can imagine my surprise when he tried to take them back the other night.
We actually got into quite the discussion about the socks and how I completely misinterpreted his use of the phrase "I'll give you these".
Apparently he meant "I'll give you these to use for today, not the rest of your life".
Who knew?!
Has that ever happened to you where someone says something to you and you hear one thing but they meant something else? When something gets lost in translation?
This is the story of my life, I like to hear what I like to hear.
Like it or not, however, communication is not just having words spill from someone's lips - there is a whole process involved.
The 'SENDER', from my story, is Dan. Dan had a message for me that he ENCODED as a statement. The CHANNEL he used was his words which then got DECODED by me, the RECEIVER.
This is where things went awry - I never engaged the feedback loop to confirm the message.
The message I decoded was that he was giving me his brand new pair of socks for the rest of my life; a very happy assumption, especially for my now toasty warm feet.
You know what they say about assumptions, right? Well, I just heard Dan's words and wasn't paying any attention to the other, more significant components of his communication - specifically his tone and his body language.
Words make up only 7% of communication. The rest of communication is made up of tone (38%) and body language (55%).
We all like to hear what we want to hear, right?!
But I think the take away for me with my sock story is communication isn't a one-way street.
Authentic communication is a beautiful dance, it's a give AND take; it's an exchange with another that enriches and enhances our life and our existence - if we take the time to actively engage. Although my life was enriched and enhanced with the socks, Dan's was not.
He gave and I took; there was no reciprocity happening that day (although he knows, he can borrow 'my' socks anytime he wants).
All behavior is communication. A subtle shift in posture, clasping one's hands, a tilt of the head is communication. Throughout our life, every moment is a communication, an expression of who we are.
Quality communication begins within, it begins with presence and an intention to attend and attune to other with reciprocity and respect.
Practicing presence begins when we are able to unbundle ourselves from all the chatter and distractions that are constantly flooding our senses.
I was unable to be present with Dan during our sock conversation because I was already thinking about our hike. I was wondering if I would be warm enough, what would the trail be like, and even what would we have for dinner when we got back. I was no longer in the room with him when he was 'giving me his socks', I took a trip to the future and therefore was completely unable to be present.
Filling up my cup helps me practice presence, it helps me attend and attune to others in meaningful, authentic ways.
Consider joining me February 15th, 16th, and 17th at 10am ET for a FREE 3-day webinar series entitled:
Filling Your Cup - Restore, Renew and Reset
to restore your sense of purpose; renew your sense of self; and reset your outlook for what is possible. This is a first step in cultivating presence!
Trauma Informed Care Begins with YOU!
We encourage you to attend this webinar series live; however, if you are unable to attend live, simply register and you will be provided access to the recorded sessions.
Each session you attend live you will be entered into a drawing for something special just for you!!
Each session is 1-hour and will include question and answer.
This online access expires on February 22, 2021.
This series is awarded 3 continuing education credits in accordance with 244 CMR 5.04 Massachusetts Board of Registration in Nursing.
REGISTER HERE
Thanks for reading me. Stay safe.
Take care and care well,
Mary
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